Physical Immortality and Death
Get so far away from death that it can't find you anymore!
The Top Dog
People have created death to be so powerful. We've given it so much praise and acknowledgment. When I was in high school it always seemed that the most intimidating guy would be the most popular. The top dog wasn't picked for being the most sensitive person, but for being the coolest. He was picked because he seemed so tough that nothing scared him. He was chosen because he could look death in the eye and not blink. He could seemingly live with death. He was death's right-hand man.
I didn't like what I saw in high school. I saw people spit on people - just because they dressed differently. I saw people beat people up - just because they didn't fit into the so-called norm. I hated that chemistry. And I thought, when I get out of high school, the world will be different.
I found that nothing changed. I found that our whole society was built the same way. The bullies still run the streets. The gentle people are still attacked by the wolves. War is constantly breaking out all over. The cool guys are still running the show. The tough guys are still in charge. Death is still the top dog.
A Hunger For Change
In the past few months, I've experienced some intense tribulations. Things seemed awfully dark at times. But I made a decision that, no matter what was going on, I was to open myself up to a sound of my life. I opened myself up to the sound of my flesh, and decided that this was my way through the darkness.
Real living, when you let yourself feel it fully, is not all joy. Sometimes there's pain involved, especially around change. Human beings have a tendency to so fossilize themselves, to get so stuck in ruts, that change becomes painful. When a person whose arm has been broken and in a cast for some time tries to move that arm, it's painful. In fact it might even feel as if it can't move. It can be the same way with any change.
Someone came to me recently about a problem she was having with a change going on in her life. She was feeling some resistance to the change. But she wasn't defending her position. She wasn't defending her rigidity. This person said, "These are the things I feel, and I want to change them in my body." She hungered for a change.
It's a wonderful thing when we don't defend our resistance or our depression, when we don't blame it on somebody else. It's wonderful when we can feel our rigidity, and still hunger for the change in our own bodies.
Getting Away From Death
This is something I've experienced deeply in the last few months. It's one thing to say you don't want to be depressed. It's not hard to say you don't want to be down. It's easy to say you don't want to be sick. But how much do you not want to be sick? How much do you not want to be depressed? How much are you willing to change in order to stop feeling depressed? In my case, I so hungered for a shift that I went deeper. And I found that I had to open up in my guts in a way I've never opened before.
As I was going through this, I realized I don't just want a reprieve from death. I don't just want to avoid it for a while. I don't just want a break from it. I want to be out of it once and for all. I want to be done with it for good.
That's my hunger. They say life is filled with bad and good, so if you get a certain amount of what they call a good life, you're supposed to be satisfied. You're supposed to settle for a week here and there, or a month, or a few years of respite.
That doesn't satisfy me anymore. It's not enough. I'm not willing to settle for a little bit. I don't just want a respite from sorrow and depression - I want out of it totally. I've tasted death. I've tasted depression. I've tasted sorrow. I don't like the taste - it's bitter. I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I want totally out of the pit.
You know, sometimes when people feel depressed, they watch a bunch of happy movies, or do something else to feel uplifted for a while. They give themselves a break from depression. They put a bandage on it, to cover it up.
It's not enough for me. I want all the way out. I want all the way out from death. I want to get so far away from death that it can't find me anymore. I want to be so far removed from it that I can't see it, no matter where I look. I don't want to just pacify myself for a week or two. I want to be so far away from any capacity to have depression, so far away from feeling anything ugly or unclean about my own body, that depression can't even find me.
End the Polarities
The law of gravity says that what goes up must come down. The law of death has said the same thing about people. Oh, let's remove each other from the gravity of death. Let's end the polarity of coming down because we've been up for too long.
Living in the polarity of life and death will wear you out. You'll live a joyous life one week, only to be visited by death again the next. Hot and cold, cold and hot, hot and cold. How many of those can you take until you crack? That's what cracks the earth - the constant going back and forth between the hot and the cold. How much can human flesh take before it cracks?
I don't want that world. It does not make sense to me. I want out of it completely. I'm moving myself beyond what seemed to be the logical: the logic of pain, the logic of release, the logic of relief. I don't want an antacid just to relieve me for a while from the burning in my gut. I want a fire in my belly that is ongoing, that consumes the pain and the sorrow.
Don't give yourself time for depression. The fastest way out of your pain, your depression, is for you to give your aliveness to another. It's so powerful to give what you want. The fastest way out of depression is for you to embrace someone else's life, for you to get so caught up in what you can give to your life, rather than what you can get out of it. It puts you on a whole new track.
Let's leave the land of death behind. I'm not talking about being on a high. I'm not talking about being abnormal. I'm talking about being totally alive. I'm talking about an aliveness so total that we can't be stalled out anymore, we can't be stopped in our tracks, we can't be dragged back. I'm talking about being so completely alive that nothing can ever stop us from going for what we want. I'm talking about a continuous movement of our flesh that carries us beyond the reaches of death - forever.
Let's go there together.
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